It's so interesting how clearly right now that I can feel how much of a negative rhythm I am in currently. It truly feels like I'm in the lul part of a song before the drop or the part of the play where the character needs to face adversities before he can find his fortune. It feels comedic almost how many closed doors I've been facing in so many different areas. From my passions, to my job, to my spirituality.. I've tried traveling and got dreadfully sick, interviewed 5 times for a job and didn't get it, tried to get in touch with my spiritual connection but felt like there's nothing to hear, and with everything I'm passionate about (except my girlfriend), life has just seemed to commedically make my opportunities a no show.. even when I'm trying so hard and putting myself out there every day. I traveled out of state to collaborate on music with two separate musicians, and they both randomly, separetly, ghosted, even though we've been friends for yeaaars. I haven't felt like I've fallen out of favor with myself or the universe in 3 or 4 years now, and it's honestly a wild feeling. It feels like walking through a pitch black cave, trying to find any exit. It makes me question if everything I've believed is even real.. which is actually super cool. I've never doubted for even a day in the last 3-4 years of my spiritual journey, and to feel this doubt is a completely new experience. It's doubt, it's hopelessness, it takes my breath away with the fear that maybe my luck has run out. I know that to everything, there is a season. Nothing in nature blooms all year round. I just hope I make it out! No pity meant by this, and I'm not intentionally trying to spread any negativity to others. I think it's valuable for me to share this novel part of my experience, and of course, any perspectives or similar stories someone could share would be much appreciated. Much love

The podcast episode today spoke to me in its perfect way at the perfect time.. Over the past year, I've been overcoming my trauma of creating music in a variety of different ways, and the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron has helped significantly to open myself up and not beat myself up for being a beginner. Recently I got stuck.. I got scared again because I've had multiple multiple projects that I've been excited about sharing with the world, and they have felt like no matter how many advancements I make in my knowledge, they were never quite ready to share.. Why was that?.. why were they never ready? Why was it always missing something?? Well Victor helped mirror back to me the truth that I was finally ready to begin realizing in my body.. the thing I knew but wasn't ready to see: The work has never been ready because I've been to scared to share it.. whether or not there's more to add or if it's always been good as it is, doesn't matter.. It was never making it out of the home studio and into the world because I haven't been ready to share it.. I haven't been ready to open up. I realized through today's podcast, that I've been living in the fear of this "other". That there's some person or people or world or god that's watching me, and if I don't put out the most magical content anyone has ever heard, I'll never be able to recover.. I'll forever be known as a guy who just doesn't have what it takes. I've realized my truth. Whether my content gets 2 views or 2 million views, I know deep down in my jellies that im meant to share this music with the world. Im meant to chronicle my story and allow my music to be shared perfectly imperfect.. and though it may be a reflection of me right now and what I am capable of, there's no one powerful enough who can ever hold me to that old standard of who I am.. in fact, there's no "other" to even do that. Tomorrow, next week, next year, everything I create, good or bad will no longer be a direct relflection of me. The feeling of a work being finished comes from the inside, and I am now ready to reapproach my music allowing myself to be finished with a project. I know that that feeling of satisfaction, finished-ness.. that eureka of takin the leap is now ready to arrive. I allow it to arrive. And when that comes to me and I post my first song on TikTok, I will be back here to update my proof and share with you what I've discovered evidenced to be true in the real world. I won't be sharing a link or plugging my music, but I want ya'll to have another account that our certainty about what we know, is sooo powerful. Love ya'll

Last night I stumbled across a YouTube channel called “Josie Kins”, and this amazing individual’s mission is to turn the psychedelic experience from something that is ineffable into something that can be commonly understood by building common psychedelic terminology sets. Josie personally holds the stance of a materialist and doesn’t believe that the mystical necessitates the spiritual. Josie has done such an amazing job of conceptualizing the psychedelic experience through other worldly visuals, or explaining experiences through her video Psychedelic Mystical and Transpersonal Experience Tier List. This is my first time witnessing someone who so clearly understands the psychedelic experience who also chooses materialism. I personally choose to believe that the psychedelic experience is often a very spiritual experience, but what do ya’ll think? Do psychedelics necessitate spirituality?

Just curious how others stay truly devoted to their dreams/purposes. I am positive of my life’s purpose in creating music, but I feel like I keep running away from it. 1 step forward, half step back. The bigger I dream, I feel overwhelmed by how far away I am, and when I choose to dream smaller, I feel less motivated because it doesn’t feel like it matters. I know I’ll get there someday. How do ya’ll stay devoted?