The Negative Rhythm

It's so interesting how clearly right now that I can feel how much of a negative rhythm I am in currently. It truly feels like I'm in the lul part of a song before the drop or the part of the play where the character needs to face adversities before he can find his fortune.

It feels comedic almost how many closed doors I've been facing in so many different areas. From my passions, to my job, to my spirituality.. I've tried traveling and got dreadfully sick, interviewed 5 times for a job and didn't get it, tried to get in touch with my spiritual connection but felt like there's nothing to hear, and with everything I'm passionate about (except my girlfriend), life has just seemed to commedically make my opportunities a no show.. even when I'm trying so hard and putting myself out there every day. I traveled out of state to collaborate on music with two separate musicians, and they both randomly, separetly, ghosted, even though we've been friends for yeaaars.

I haven't felt like I've fallen out of favor with myself or the universe in 3 or 4 years now, and it's honestly a wild feeling. It feels like walking through a pitch black cave, trying to find any exit.

It makes me question if everything I've believed is even real.. which is actually super cool. I've never doubted for even a day in the last 3-4 years of my spiritual journey, and to feel this doubt is a completely new experience. It's doubt, it's hopelessness, it takes my breath away with the fear that maybe my luck has run out.

I know that to everything, there is a season. Nothing in nature blooms all year round.

I just hope I make it out!

No pity meant by this, and I'm not intentionally trying to spread any negativity to others. I think it's valuable for me to share this novel part of my experience, and of course, any perspectives or similar stories someone could share would be much appreciated.

Much love