Taking our power back, from plastering our mind with positive thoughts by numbing our heart from feeling the pain.. ❤️🩹♾️☯️🙏🏽
For a long time, I avoided that fearful feeling of going within.. a path I steered away from by staying with positive thoughts by keeping myself so busy!!'
Once I surrendered after feeling of complete despair..! To the extend of ending it all in 2012., I'm sure a lot us have been down this path.. the true warrior attitude and dedication I gave to my career., I was now going to give to myself. Without a care for losing all I had worked for.
Trying to plaster debts by puppeteer exercising of visits to law advice bureaus, solicitors, banks, local courts etc.. these senseless exercising took me away from me, as they are meant for that purpose, to create helplessness, guilt, shame, vulnerability, fears etc. all judgements that weakens us to take our power away and divide us from our loved ones and families. With all these technologies, they mean to tell me that they can’t just forward my details to these organisations, all the details they need are in their screens.
So I stopped interacting on calls and engagement of senseless followings. I told the debtors, if they want their money for bills or whatever, take my house, my car whatever they want; I’m not playing your game anymore.!!! A lot of friends and families began drifting away as when I said I didn’t have money for diesel to make trips to visit them, their response was somewhat shameful, as although I didn’t have money, I wasn’t willing to go to work too.
My life ahead was a certainty to be in a wheelchair, whilst taking 30/35 injections in my spine every couple of months and tramadol as painkillers. All this just to manage pain, as I wasn’t going to get better’ as per medical experts.
I saw how, I was going to lose everything I had’ regardless, they would’ve sold my property and used the equity to pay for my care in a care home. I damaged my spine as the governing body failed to abide by their H & S policies, as a single mum’ I still continued working.
I shut myself away from the world that I knew’ in 2016.., and was made homeless in Aug 2018.
I was a high flyer with so much drive on succeeding and meeting and overachieving my corporate career targets..! Proven record of reaching over the peak results that made myself and my teams shine.. with majority of my staff development leading them towards senior jobs..
I had a sudden realisation., on how far I'd come in my life.. and I felt.. having experienced the poorty and violence whilst living in India and Kenya., then to experience UK., I decided to let go of my attachment to the luxuries that kept me bound in a web of trap, that kept me working to pay for them but never having time to enjoy them’ or even give me time to have a good sleep.
I suppressed from ever allowing myself to express., and feel my own pain.!!! As I would lose my focus on the work targets I needed to achieve and all the tasks of reporting.
I let go of my career and with my inner guidance’ I used that drive to go within and allow every painful emotions to surface..! With some, that felt like, even Death 💀 could have been sweeter., as I couldn't even breathe..! Sometimes I was meditating 🧘♀️ for 16/18 hours, whatever it took’ I only went out if I had to get some shopping, otherwise I remained in my house and went in my garden for grounding and fresh air and sunshine, I didn’t speak to anyone as I had drifted away from most of the friends and families.
All I kept wondering is., why, how, how could they..! Seeing and experiencing the ignorance of some people., before the anger could rise..! I could see.. the lessons I was to learn from them.. how I could have spoken my truth.., instead of mostly giving my power away..!
As I began to see., how they were only portraying behaviours of their own insecurities and fears, their knowledge and entrapment from society and cultural barriers..!
It is true..! I believe.. that there is a capacity within each of us.. to be a murderer, rapists.. etc., its which one we give our energy to., that makes us., our ability to decide can only come from our previous experiences., that we've brushed under the carpet.. the previous pain is the one that would trigger our current reactions.. ❤️🩹♾️☯️
We are the creators of our exteriors and vibrationally’ our magnetic field will attract people who will trigger the very emotions that we have buried within us, to heal.. but our cultures have programmed us to point fingers and see the disrespect of another’ which sadly chains ⛓️ us with the karma’s of a person trying to awaken us and ourselves to create another to come and treat us in ways that will trigger us to look at the unhealed part of us. ❤️🩹♾️☯️🙏🏽
As we own our creation, we own our experiences, so no other can trigger us’ if we observe without absorbing; we will see, that everything and everyone is just a THOUGHT, the POWER OF OUR MIND: HAS made them real.. ❤️🩹♾️☯️🙏🏽🧘♀️